Sometimes I think that the problem with me is that I keep leaving everything behind to start anew. For all its excitement, it always seems a bit unsustainable… like every new adventure is just putting off the inevitable (and sometimes quite desirable) "settling down". These are the times when I feel the ties between me and the people I care about stretching and fraying, and it makes me sad.
Then there are the other times. The times when I think the real problem is that I haven't gone far enough. That I should run faster and farther until every. Single. Tie. isn't just fraying and fading but broken. Gone forever. Never to be repaired or replaced. That only in the freedom of absolute, desperate loneliness will I ever find a modicum of peace.
There is a voice inside me of defiance. It screams out against all the people who want me to be something other than what I am, all of the pressures within and without that bend me into twisted shapes not my own. A voice that says ENOUGH. I am only this, and I am fucking FANTASTIC at it. Enough.
But there is another voice. Quiet, insistent… it just barely whispers, but it never stops. Only one word: run.
*I wrote this a few years ago... Sometimes I worry about how relevant it still is.