I quit my job today. Well, gave one month’s notice, anyway. It’s hard… maybe (definitely) harder than it should be. This is maybe the second or third job that I can remember quitting just because I didn’t like it/couldn’t make it work. I’ve had plenty of jobs, but they were seasonal or contractual, or things that I left behind because I had to move across the country/planet. To not have a reason for leaving beyond my basic needs (sleep) and emotional state makes me feel like a bit of a failure.
A story: When I was a kid, I was kind of a precocious little brat. Because I tended to catch onto things pretty quickly, whenever I came up against something I didn’t “get” right away, I would give up. And maybe cry. Because I was a brat. This went on for awhile till my parents sat down and had a talk (or several) with me about how I couldn’t just quit stuff because I wasn’t good right away, and that working hard for something makes it even more rewarding when it finally does click, etc. It took awhile to sink in, but I learned perseverance eventually. Now, though, I’m terrified of being that person again, of throwing in the towel every time things get a little hairy… so I tend to stick to unfortunate circumstances WAY LONGER than I should. Taking too many classes? Suck it up, pansy! Relationship falling apart around your ears? Try harder! Job slowly sucking the life out of you and making you doubt your self worth? Deal with it; it’s not THAT hard!
The point is, I have trouble telling the difference between perseverance and stupidity, giving up and strategic retreat. I probably always will. Luckily, I also have a lot of people who are willing to help me navigate the murkier waters of life and to assure me that quitting doesn’t always make you a quitter. Overall, even though I’m sad about leaving (and still dealing with the icky emotions listed above), I’m also very relieved that an end is in sight. And I’m ready for the next adventure.